Choosing with whom to share life
Choosing with whom to share life is one of the most important decisions a Christian can make.
It is not only about finding someone you like, but about discovering the person whom God is calling you to love and serve for life.
To love with God’s eyes means to look beyond emotion and impulse, and to learn to decide with the heart and the mind enlightened by faith.
Do not let yourself be blinded by feelings
True love is not a tsunami of emotions that sweeps you along without thinking.
In the first phases — attraction and infatuation — there is a strong emotional and hormonal load that can cloud reason. It is normal, but you must let the wave subside to be able to see clearly.
“When you ask yourself ‘Is this good for me?’, you are on the right track.”
Not because love is calculation, but because mature love knows how to discern.
Falling in love is not enough: you have to decide to love.
Or, as we often say: you fall in love with the heart, but you choose with the head.
Do not skip stages
Today it seems that relationships work like in series: two people meet, have dinner, like each other… and everything rushes ahead.
But love does not grow by bursts of impulse.
Sexuality is intended as a language of conjugal love, and when it is brought forward, it confuses.
The body promises what the soul has not yet decided to give.
“Sex can cloud discernment: it makes you think there is unity when it has not yet been built.”
Many courtships break up because they never truly knew each other, because they spoke little and touched much.
That is why the advice remains valid and wise:
talk a lot, pray together, and touch little.
Courtship is not a “mini marriage”: it is a time to discern whether this is the person with whom you want to share life.
It is not only about having a good time, but about discovering whether together you can grow in holiness.
Courtship: a school of love
Christian courtship is a school of love.
It is not about possessing, but about learning to give yourself, to respect, to understand.
In it, one learns to move from infatuation — which is feeling — to love — which is deciding —.
It is the time to get to know each other in depth:
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What values move you
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How you live the faith
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What dreams you share
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How you react to pain or frustration
It is not enough that the other person is good: you have to see how you are together.
Ask yourself:
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How do we act when there are disagreements?
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Do we know how to ask for forgiveness and give way?
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Do we share the same faith and life project?
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Do we help each other become better, or do we wear each other down?
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Do we love each other with freedom, without emotional dependence?
Christian love does not seek the perfection of the other, but to walk together toward it.
Look with the eyes of faith
In discernment as a couple, we must look beyond what is superficial.
A home is not built on beauty or charm, but on the soul.
Appearance passes; the heart and faith remain.
First, that he be truly Christian.
Not just baptized, but a believer, practicing, someone who lives his faith and desires to walk with you toward God.
Many marriages suffer because they united without sharing the same faith, hoping the other would “change.”
Love does not convert by itself: only grace and freedom do.
Also look at maturity: how he lives with his family, how he works, how he faces difficulties, how he manages money, whether he is responsible, faithful, and honest.
Do not trust those who promise much and live little.
Habits do not change by magic in marriage.
“Before you travel by land, pray; if by sea, pray twice; and if you are going to marry, pray three times.”
— Russian proverb
Marriage is not built on a smile or on a moment of tenderness, but on all that you are: thoughts, dreams, wounds, hopes, and faith.
A shared life project
Getting married is not simply “loving each other very much.”
It is to want to be spouses, to form a community of life open to children and to God.
That is why courtship should be a path of preparation, a process in which it is decided—with freedom and truth—whether that love can become a sacrament.
Do not trust love at first sight or haste.
Nor appearance or attractiveness.
Seek a solid love, founded on faith, virtue, and trust.
Choose with prayer.
Listen to those who love you: parents, priests, friends in the faith.
Seek counsel, but above all ask God for light.
He knows your heart better than anyone.
To love with God’s eyes
To love with God’s eyes is to look at the other as He looks: with truth, tenderness, and challenge.
It is to desire the good of the other more than one’s own pleasure.
It is to decide to love even when it is not felt, and to trust that the feeling will return, purified and stronger.
“Human love is serious, great, and holy.”
Therefore it must be built on solid foundations:
prayer, chastity, sincerity, faith, and the will to serve.
Choosing well is not about luck:
it is knowing how to look with a heart in grace.