Relationships before marriage: love without possessing
Love is not measured by the intensity of desire, but by the truth of self-giving.
In an age that confuses loving with using, and passion with happiness, many hearts end up broken because they skip God’s plan. Not because He wants to deprive us of something, but because He loves us so much that He only wants to give us what truly makes us free, pure, and happy.
To love is not to possess
Many think that love is to have the other, to make them one’s own, to merge in every possible way. But Christian love does not seek to possess, but to give and care. Liking is wanting for myself; loving is willing the good of the other, even above my own desires.
When a relationship becomes possessive, when jealousy, control, or distrust appear, something has gone wrong. The human heart was made to love in freedom, and where there is fear or domination, love withers.
Jealousy is often the sign of a relationship that has lost its purity or its balance: because the body was given before the soul, or because love was confused with dependency. To love well requires learning to wait, respect, and trust.
Love is destroyed when it is rushed
Sexuality is a precious gift from God, but it has its place: marriage. Not because pleasure is bad, but because the body has a language that says “I give myself completely, forever.” When that promise is spoken without the soul being ready, without having sealed it before God, something breaks inside.
Sex before marriage does not unite: it confuses.
It makes one believe there is intimacy where there is not yet, and it leaves wounds that drag on for years: feelings of emptiness, pain, dependency, or distrust.
The body is given before the will is mature, and then the soul rebels, because it was created for a total and definitive union. That is why so many relationships wear out, fade, or become torment.
Where there is sin, there is suffering. Not as a punishment, but as a consequence. Because love is made for the light, not for the darkness.
Chastity: the great school of love
Being chaste is not repressing love, but learning to truly love. Chastity orders the heart so that love may be pure, joyful, and faithful.
Dating couples who strive for purity do not live less love: they live it better. Their affection is stronger, their joy purer, their trust more solid. There are no shadows, no fear, no shame.
As the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches:
“Engaged couples are called to live chastity in continence. In this trial they should see a discovery of mutual respect and an apprenticeship in fidelity. They will reserve for marriage the expressions of tenderness specific to conjugal love.”
Every effort, every renunciation, every time one says “no” to impulse and “yes” to God, a seed is sown that will bear fruit in the future marriage. You reap what you sow.
Purity: the guardian of happiness
Respect is the guardian of the spouses’ happiness. The cleaner they arrive at the altar, the deeper their union. Those who have lived it say so: couples who overcome themselves and keep themselves arrive with new excitement, freshness, and tenderness.
Passion has its place, but when used without control, it ends up tiring. Nothing used without measure remains beautiful.
Therefore, learning to wait is the best investment in love.
Dating is not a small-scale marriage. There is not yet a right to total self-giving. It is a time to get to know each other, to grow together, to prepare the soul and the heart.
Love with reason and with faith
Love does not need to be proven with the body, but demonstrated with fidelity, respect, care, and prayer. One who truly loves does not pressure. One who loves, waits.
If one of the two is not living their faith or does not understand what it means to be a child of God, they must be helped with patience, but also with firmness. To love is not to permit what destroys, but to invite the other to the best of themselves.
You may need a time of distance, to pray, clarify feelings, and heal. It’s okay. If the love is true, it will move forward; if not, it is better to let it go than to lose peace.
And if you need light, seek counsel from a good priest. Go to confession, pray together, receive the sacraments. With God’s grace, everything is possible. Without it, nothing endures.
Elegance, modesty, and dignity
Living purity also involves the way you present yourself. It’s not about being covered up or hiding, but about dressing with elegance, modesty, and respect for oneself and for others. Beauty lies in dignity, not in provocation.
A look, a gesture, a word can ignite passions that should not burn. That’s why we must be prudent. Avoid solitary places, ambiguous moments, dark environments. Light protects love.
If it’s hard for you, don’t give up
Being pure is not easy, but it is possible. It requires will, prayer, and the sacraments. And the reward is great: an inner peace that no pleasure can match.
There are couples who achieve it. Many. Who live their love with respect and joy, and who arrive at marriage with a clean happiness. They are a testimony that purity does not take away love: it elevates it.
And if you have fallen, don’t stay there. God never tires of forgiving. Start again, trust, and let His mercy renew your heart.
Pure until the altar
Your boyfriend is not yet your husband. Total love belongs to marriage. Do not be deceived by those who tell you that “it doesn’t matter,” that “everyone does it.” To love with purity is to swim against the current, but whoever does so finds true joy.
Defend your chastity with fortitude. Make your love story a beautiful and clean testimony, something you can one day tell your children without shame, with your heart full of gratitude.
Your purity is not fragility, it is strength.
Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, not an instrument of desire.
Your soul is for God.
And remember: it is better to enter the Kingdom of Heaven alone than accompanied on the wrong path.
Mary, model of purity and tenderness
Look to Mary, Virgin and Mother. In her, delicacy and strength, tenderness and firmness come together. Mary teaches that purity is not coldness, but true love.
Her example has supported entire generations of young people who chose to love well, at all costs. Look also to the saints who defended their purity with courage: Maria Goretti, Josefina Vilaseca… They are proof that it is worth it.